I remember one night hearing myself cry. It had been almost 3 years since Dondi and I got married. After our wedding, we both wanted to have children. Many people said, “You’re still young to be a mom and you won’t make it” and then some said, “You should save first before getting to that point, life is hard” or others will say, “You should focus more on your career while you’re still young because the moment you have kids, you can’t do the things you want”. Even after all the things we heard, I knew in my heart that it will all work out. After two months, I got pregnant with our first child. Then, four months after giving birth I was pregnant again with our second child. My heart is full of joy and gratitude to the Lord.
But as the days passed, it was becoming harder and more difficult for me as a young mother. The demand to take care of my family became overwhelming. Every day I need to wake up early to prepare meals, feed the kids, clean them up, play with them, clean the house, sing a song to put them to sleep, family scripture study, go to the market and etc. Sometimes it was just too much for me as a young mother. I have to stop thinking about myself and give my full attention and service to them.
There are times when I ask myself, “What about me?” And then I receive the answer, “It’s not about you anymore. It’s about them.” My experience as a missionary helped me a lot. As a missionary, you stop thinking about yourself because the people around you need someone who will guide and love them. Just like my children, they need a mother who will love, care and guide them back to our Heavenly Father.
I remember an experience one late evening when I was very tired and my husband had to go to work, then my children started crying. I tried to help them both but my body was already tired and they both needed my attention. I just didn’t know what to do. The next thing I knew, I was crying and praying to my Heavenly Father asking for strength so I can help my children. In the middle of my prayer, they suddenly stopped crying and went back to sleep. I am grateful to our Father in Heaven. He never leaves me alone during my weakest times. I know I am not perfect and sometimes I feel disappointed whenever I feel and see that I am not yet good enough. But perfection is not in this life, it is in the life to come.
No matter how tough it is to be a mom, it will always be a sweet experience for me. I like what President Thomas S. Monson said, “Mother”, or its abbreviated version, “Mama,” is the first word tiny lips form. What joy fills a mother’s heart when she first hears this expression from her child. My exhaustion is always resolved by my children’s hug and kisses. There’s no disappointment in my heart when I chose to be a mother.
There are still many things to learn and to improve on, but I know I will get there. I know that my Heavenly Father will always be there to guide me. Would you still be afraid to be a mom? Why would you doubt this noble calling knowing that it’s a part of the great plan of happiness the Lord has for us?
